Inaugrual Ramble

Oooh, look at me using big words.

Basically, I don't know. I'm a little bit drunk (only my second drink! I am a kind of a lightweight though), and also I am SUPPOSED to be writing an essay on a Shakespearean sonnet, but I do not want to. I have a theory that drunk blogging will make me really funny, but it probably won't. Oh well, I tried, you guys!

Uhm, let's see. Shakespeare is actually pretty funny, I bet you didn't know that. Also. Dirty. Really, really dirty. There is a ridiculous amount of sex in Shakespeare, especially in his sonnets. They pretty much all go something along the lines of, "You're super pretty and I love you heaps, COME HAVE SEX WITH ME! Please?" Except like, the first half? Which are directed to a guy (SCANDAL! there are multiple scholars whose whole life's work revolves around trying to figure out who this guy was and whether he was real and also whether Shakespeare was gay. Because you know, these things matter. Apparently.), and all go along the lines of, "You're super gorgeous and you're a selfish jerk because you just masturbate heaps and aren't making babies, and now when you die the world is going to suck! Go make babies, you selfish bastard! And that way even when you die, there's totally still be a little bit of your prettyness in the world. Because you are THAT FUCKING GORGEOUS."

I am not making this up.

In other news. Cyber drinking with my sister. My life is awesome. I bet you wish you were me right now.


Update: Still haven't finished my essay or even really started it but you know, whatever. It's 2:30 am and I just got off the phone with my parents in Australia. I didn't really mean to drunk talk to them but one of my sisters just kinda handed them the phone and was like, 'Here, talk to Dad' and I was like, 'Oh shit', except I didn't say that out loud because you know, he totally would have heard me. And I actually did want to talk to my dad, but maybe a bit more sober. Soberly. While I was sober. I think I pulled it off. I just talked really fast a lot, but I don't think I sounded drunk. Just hyperactive. Which I told Mum was probably because I ate smores for dinner, which is half true. I told both of my parents all about Shakespeare sex and how hilarious it was, but they didn't really seem to appreciate it. Mum was all like, "...?" and Dad was like, "Yes, he was very crude. Uh-huh." and the 'Uh-huh' was in that very disapproving tone that parents have when they are super unimpressed with you but don't want to start an actual fight over something as silly as whether Shakespeare sex is funny or not.


Oh yeah, my parents are very conservative, by the way. Like, I'm allowed to drink but not allowed to be drunk (which is unfortunate because did I mention lightweight? One drink makes me tipsy, two and I write posts like this.) and I'm not allowed to swear (I accidentally said shit on the phone to them quite a bit. It's funny how you can hear silent disapproval.), and I'm CERTAINLY NOT allowed to read Harry Potter (entirely irrelevant to this post but is a good thing to argue about). Fortunately, I don't live with them and therefore don't have to follow the rules. As long as they don't find this blog.Yeah. Now it's 2:30 and I have a headache and still have most of an essay to write and it was due like two days ago.

Fuck.