I've been reading fundie blogs all day.

I don't know why I do this to myself.

Oh wait.

Yes I do.

It's fucking hilarious, that's why.

I just came across this gem from a website selling modest swimsuits:

The bodice is lined, so there is a double layer of fabric covering the entire bodice. This offers the coverage of a shelf bra. A bra can also be worn underneath for added support, but isn't necessary. We have found bikini tops work great as swim bras! You can pick them up for $5 at places like Walmart

We have found bikini tops work great as swim bras!

We have found bikini tops work great as swim bras!

Well, no shit, Sherlock! What the hell did you think they were?

The swimsuits look like this, if you care:

I would just like to say here that I'm not intending to be a complete tool about this. If people want to cover up then you know, fine, whatever. Wear what makes you comfortable. I am myself reasonably unhappy in very short skirts and bikinis and things because of my upbringing and probably cover up a lot more than I really believe is necessary. I do mock Fundie blogs, but that's really mostly a defence mechanism. It's a case of laugh so I don't cry. Maybe if I'm in the mood some day I'll post a more serious and thought out explanation for all this stuff and where I sit and why. At this point I'm not so sure it matters because I'm pretty sure only like one person knows about this blog and I'm pretty sure we were drinking at the time (see Inaugral Post) and she's forgotten. So you know, whatevers.

Her Share of the Blessings in Your Pants

So yeah. I was at work yesterday, unpacking boxes of books. It's hard work because (a) books are heaver and (b) the people who put them in boxes are, according to my boss "Not even aware that Congress has a library, never mind that there is a Library of Congress sorting system". So pretty much, there are thousands of boxes of books which must be emptied and all contents put on the correct shelves in the correct order, and mostly you have to just guess, which means you have to move each individual book four or five times before it ends up actually in the right place. For the whole library. It's an eleven story library. And? This is the third time in the last year we've had to do this job. Fuck earthquakes, they ruin everything.

Aaaanyway, at work, doing dull repetitive job, bored. Suddenly remember the Your Pants game*, and shazam! Life is beautiful and fucking hilarious. I'd forgotten about it because I ran out of books at home but now I have a whole library to work with.

And then my supervisor was all bored and he's like, "I love the really old outdated sociology books with all the really inappropriate titles" and I was like, "...Have you heard of the Your Pants game?".

And he hadn't, so I taught it to him and he was like, "I am going to be doing this all day now. I hope you know that."

And I was like, You're welcome. Because I just made your whole job so much better." I am an awesome influence.

*For the uninitiated- the Your Pants game is when you take the title of practically any book ever and tack the words "in your pants" to the end of it. Seriously, try it. Go look at your bookcase and you'll see what I mean.

Highlights of the day include:
The Vital Illusion in Your Pants
The Problem of Reality in Your Pants
Interesting Journeys in Your Pants
Her Share of the Blessings in Your Pants
The Destiny of the Warrior in Your Pants
and The Justice of Zeus in Your Pants

Yay! My essay is finally finished and submitted and it's only three days late! I am AWESOME at this student thing. Now I only have a shit-ton of Latin exercises to do and I can actually enjoy my holidays! To be fair there would have only been the normal amount of Latin except my entire class collectively did not do our homework last week because, snow. Snow doesn't actually stop us from doing homework, but it provides a range of things that are mush more interesting than homework so... yeah.

Conversation went like this:

[Teacher] Let's do the homework.
[class] *looks guilty and very studiously buries heads in books, avoiding eye contact*
[Teacher] Did you guys do the homework? Did I even assign any?
[class] *looking hopeful* No! You didn't!
[Teacher] I'm sure I did... and anyway you shouldn't need me to tell you. It's like brushing your teeth. You brush your teeth, you translate your Latin, you go to bed. I must have assigned you something.
[Classmate] Uhm. You assigned us to make snowmen.

This is not a class of Year Twos, you guys. This is university and we're still trying to pull this shit.

Yeah. Probably funnier if you were there and could see her expression. Also Teacher is confused a lot and there's pretty much a rule in the class that you can get away with anything as long as it makes her laugh. But still, you'd think we were five.

Inaugrual Ramble

Oooh, look at me using big words.

Basically, I don't know. I'm a little bit drunk (only my second drink! I am a kind of a lightweight though), and also I am SUPPOSED to be writing an essay on a Shakespearean sonnet, but I do not want to. I have a theory that drunk blogging will make me really funny, but it probably won't. Oh well, I tried, you guys!

Uhm, let's see. Shakespeare is actually pretty funny, I bet you didn't know that. Also. Dirty. Really, really dirty. There is a ridiculous amount of sex in Shakespeare, especially in his sonnets. They pretty much all go something along the lines of, "You're super pretty and I love you heaps, COME HAVE SEX WITH ME! Please?" Except like, the first half? Which are directed to a guy (SCANDAL! there are multiple scholars whose whole life's work revolves around trying to figure out who this guy was and whether he was real and also whether Shakespeare was gay. Because you know, these things matter. Apparently.), and all go along the lines of, "You're super gorgeous and you're a selfish jerk because you just masturbate heaps and aren't making babies, and now when you die the world is going to suck! Go make babies, you selfish bastard! And that way even when you die, there's totally still be a little bit of your prettyness in the world. Because you are THAT FUCKING GORGEOUS."

I am not making this up.

In other news. Cyber drinking with my sister. My life is awesome. I bet you wish you were me right now.


Update: Still haven't finished my essay or even really started it but you know, whatever. It's 2:30 am and I just got off the phone with my parents in Australia. I didn't really mean to drunk talk to them but one of my sisters just kinda handed them the phone and was like, 'Here, talk to Dad' and I was like, 'Oh shit', except I didn't say that out loud because you know, he totally would have heard me. And I actually did want to talk to my dad, but maybe a bit more sober. Soberly. While I was sober. I think I pulled it off. I just talked really fast a lot, but I don't think I sounded drunk. Just hyperactive. Which I told Mum was probably because I ate smores for dinner, which is half true. I told both of my parents all about Shakespeare sex and how hilarious it was, but they didn't really seem to appreciate it. Mum was all like, "...?" and Dad was like, "Yes, he was very crude. Uh-huh." and the 'Uh-huh' was in that very disapproving tone that parents have when they are super unimpressed with you but don't want to start an actual fight over something as silly as whether Shakespeare sex is funny or not.


Oh yeah, my parents are very conservative, by the way. Like, I'm allowed to drink but not allowed to be drunk (which is unfortunate because did I mention lightweight? One drink makes me tipsy, two and I write posts like this.) and I'm not allowed to swear (I accidentally said shit on the phone to them quite a bit. It's funny how you can hear silent disapproval.), and I'm CERTAINLY NOT allowed to read Harry Potter (entirely irrelevant to this post but is a good thing to argue about). Fortunately, I don't live with them and therefore don't have to follow the rules. As long as they don't find this blog.Yeah. Now it's 2:30 and I have a headache and still have most of an essay to write and it was due like two days ago.

Fuck.